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Defining toxic
relationship?
Toxic relationships happen in different contexts and as a result of diverse reasons.
Many people think that toxic relationships are only romantic but they can also occur in the workplace and also with family and friends.How can you define
toxic relationships?
A basic definition
is a relationship that is draining emotionally, mentally, and physically where the
bad outweighs the good.
They are mostly
one-sided and the other party may make you feel less important and that you are
not doing enough for the relationship. There is the likelihood of you giving
more than you get. One person is often manipulated to do as the other wishes.
In such relationships, you will find yourself always seeking for approval of your partner or you
are trying to prove yourself.
Some people have
defined toxic relationships as follows:
1. Any
relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s
conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where
there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.
2. Toxic
relationship makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned,
or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse
rather than better can become toxic over time.
3. Toxic
relationship occurs when one or both people are prioritizing love over
the three core components of a healthy relationship: respect, trust, and
affection.
These 3
definitions help get a broad view. I like the third definition most.
A toxic
relationship is a relationship where one person controls everything.
The third
definition is explained in this context; People think that love is everything
in a relationship which is a soap opera presentation. A relationship also needs
mutual trust, respect, trust, and affection. The balance of the three creates a
healthy relationship
Without respect, someone will do whatever they feel is good for them overlooking your needs. If
you don't value affection then you will have a significant other who is very
distant. Without trust, there will be suspicion in the relationship
That is why it is
stupid to say, 'I'm okay with... Provided he loves me
You should check out: How to Have Successful Relationships
Why do people find
themselves in toxic relationships?
People find
themselves in toxic relationships because of various reasons at times unknowingly.
For instance, some personalities just do not work out together. Some people are people pleasers and they tend to be exploited by people with strong
personalities.
There are also narcissistic personalities. These are people who like to be in control of
everything. Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of
self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and
consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. They
always know it all and feel they have reached greater success and need no
one's opinion over anything. The worst part is they want to be praised.
At times there are
those who don't know how to show affection. They might have been hurt in their
past and childhood and unknowingly transfer that to others. I always say, ‘Hurt
people hurt people’.
People should deal
with their own traumas. Projection of frustrations from
childhood traumas, workplaces trauma and so on is what is doing more harm. If you
don't deal with your trauma at some point in life you project it onto others.
Someone may keep
saying that their partner behaves in a certain way when hurt, frustrated, or
disappointed not knowing their partner is violent and toxic.
How then can you
tell you are in a toxic relationship?
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If you have
witnessed any form of violence whether physical, verbal or nonverbal
Your mental health
will always indicate if things are not right. If you feel unhappy, are always in
low spirits or your self-esteem has gone down then check your relationships.
If you feel like
you cannot express yourself or voice your concerns
You feel undervalued,
misunderstood and you give more than what you get
You feel
consistently disrespected or that your needs aren't being met
After speaking to
your partner, you feel tired and angry
Whenever you
engage you bring out your dark side
You are constantly
worried or anxious when around them
There is a constant
blame game going around, especially toward you
You find yourself
buying a gift to cover the argument
Another sign is
when there is a scorecard of who has done the most wrong
The list can go on
and on based on the individual’s personality and relationship dimensions
Here is a related article: Marriage is not a bed of roses neither is it a bed of cactus
Why do people stay
in toxic relationships?
When relationships
became violent often it starts early. There are always signs that people
ignore. By the time it becomes physical violence, there is a series of events
that people choose to overlook. For a start, people think love is everything and
because you are in love you think they will change. Don't get me wrong, love can
be very powerful but genuine love lacks in many relationships.
For others, it is
fear of the unknown. There is the fear of how it will look or what people will
say or how you will live without your significant other.
Some people get
into a relationship in search of a home and when things go south, they have nowhere
to go. For others, it is the sense of security and more so financial security
that they are not willing to let go.
Others stay
because nobody believes them when they speak out and the family forces them to
stay.
Also read: Is there a right time to walk away?
How can you Deal
with Toxic Relationships?
1. Don't think you
can change someone. People can change if they want to.
2. Speak to your
significant other about how you feel and be assertive.
3. Talk to people
about what you are going through and seek help in case you are in an abusive
relationship.
4. Deal with your
trauma to avoid projection
5. Always listen
to your sixth sense, if you feel something is off chances are it is
Sources
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