Parental Absence and Effects on Children

Definition

Parental absence is the temporary or extended absence of one or more parents. 

Parental absence can be because of a mental illness, personality disorder, or something else such as a job, career goal, or educational endeavor among other reasons.

This can have a substantial effect on the psychology of the child, depending on for example their age at separation, the context of the separation ( e.g. divorce, separation), and the length of time involved.  

Consequences can be clinical in nature for example anaclitic depression and separation anxiety and various behavioral problems and behavior disorders can ensue. On the plus side, some children can develop increased independence and a stronger sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. Without an appropriate, warm, and loving parental figure, children are likely to develop multiple personalities, emotional, and psychological difficulties.   

Every situation is different and the variables in the lives of children with emotionally unavailable parents are also different. However, for the most part, children with emotionally void parents often develop into teenagers and adults with problems themselves.

General Effects of Parental Absence

• Brain Development: Studies suggest that growing without parental care may delay brain development.

• Affected Adult Relationships: Our childhood(s) affect our relationships and how we interact with others later in life. If we were loved and cared for appropriately, we will most likely exhibit those same traits as adults. If we were abused and neglected, we will most likely develop characteristics to protect ourselves as adults such as being defensive or overly protective.

• Fear Of Attachment And Love: Children who have developed under an emotionally void parent will most likely develop into a teenager and adult who struggles to emotionally attach to others and receive/demonstrate love.  They tend to have problems connecting and communicating which is caused by the lack of trust they developed at a young age.

• Borderline And Narcissistic Personality Traits: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are two disorders that can negatively affect everyone in connection to the sufferer. The unstable, emotionally labile moods often characteristic of BPD can lead to frequent arguments, paranoia, blaming, and physical or verbal aggression. The self-centered, overly confident, and arrogant behaviors of NPD can make developing children feel estranged emotionally from that parent. Without proper treatment/therapy, these two disorders can destabilize the household and many relationships. 

• Emotional Imbalance: People raised in homes where the parents were absent are very emotionally unstable. In most cases, they struggle with low self-esteem, irritability, anxiety, and in their adulthood depression.
  

• Lack Of Identity And Direction: Without understanding who you really are, you are more likely to follow the crowd and allow anyone with the slightest bit of interest in you into your life. When you know who you are, what you want, and what is best for you, you are likely to be more careful in choosing other individuals to be a part of your life. A lack of identity can lead to a series of unstable and shallow relationships that are short-lived.

• Substance Abuse/Dependency: To cope with the pain and sorrow of absentee parent(s), many people turn to substances that “take them away” or “dull the pain.”

• Loss Of Hope, Faith, And Joy: For many adults who were raised under an emotionally void parent there is a deep feeling of loss and grief. The “loss” of a parent who is still living and breathing can seem like the most tragic experience. To look a parent in the eyes or hear their voice and yet feel so far away, is tragic. The inability to connect to the very person who brought you into this world is tragic. It is like a tease. It is like a distant fantasy. Sometimes adult children internalize their emotions and begin to feel depressed, suicidal, or self-injurious. This is often when substance abuse begins.

Specific Effects of Parental Absence

• Children from fatherless homes are likely to have a careless/ “don’t care” attitude to hide the need for a father. This might be demonstrated through rudeness and rebellion among other signs. 
• They may also have lots of difficulty in school. Teens from fatherless homes are also likely to engage in crime or gang activities and indulge in drugs or substance abuse with a high likelihood of addiction.

• Children who grow up away from their mothers tend to develop deep insecurities, and anxiety issues and tend to have lots of social problems and trouble in school.

• Early sexual engagement for girls is often a stress reliever whenever they are from an absentee-parent family. This is likely to lead to teen pregnancy in most cases.

• Girls who grow up with absentee fathers are likely to develop “Daddy Issues” which manifest in promiscuity and attention-seeking form old men.

How to be Present

• Listen To Your Children: When they talk to you give them fool attention and be engaged in the conversation.

• Spend Quality Time with Them: Find a way to spend time with them and develop a ritual or routine. It could be during breakfast or bedtime.

•  Play with them and have a good time

• Share your live with them: Let them know who you are and what you do.

• Teach them patience: Help them cope with the times you will be away by making them understand that you will not be around at all times and that they will not always get what they want.

Conclusion

Research confirms that children must have the experience, during early childhood development, of a warm caregiver/guardian to develop the appropriate skills (the ability to be emotionally available, connect with other individuals, understand the rules of social communication, etc.) needed for later in life.

This presentation was made by Tabitha Mwai during the Decent Conversations Forum on Parenting in the Digital Age.

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