How To Tell Your Friendship is Unhealthy and What to Do

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‘I feel these days you are not there when I need you.’

That was a message received from my best friend Josphine. I read the message several times to ensure that I understand it before I could bring myself to reply.

Okay, let me start from the beginning for you to understand my story.

Josephine and I have been friends for seven good years and we are more like sisters than friends. Our relationship started out as one of the best friendships I’ve ever had. I felt like I had waited for years to have a close friend, someone who lights up when she sees me.

I valued my relationship with her and I always prayed to God that our friendship will last and be built on a strong foundation. She has seen me at my worst and the same of me to her.

On this particular day her son, who is my godson was admitted to the hospital. She had called to inform me the previous day but due to a tight work schedule, I couldn’t make it to visit her.

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The following morning she treated me to the above message. What went through my head was how? Is it me or are we women just complicated?

Women are relational beings. - It is a fact that few would argue. Even our play from childhood reflects how we feel about relationships.

It has been said that little boys play “side by side” while little girls play “face to face.” As tears and frustrations surface often for them. If one feels left out or ignored by someone they want to be connected to, they react strongly.

While these eruptions in their friendships eventually calm down and they return to playing and enjoying one another, their passion for wanting to be loved and included remains very important to them.

How do you know when your friendship is unhealthy?

• When you or your girlfriend gets annoyed by very petty things that shouldn’t make one mad.
• When one of you keeps bullying the other one into doing things one doesn’t want or like.
• When one of the friends wants the other to keep indulging them in their activities and to keep visiting them in their home.
• When your problem is always an emergency that needs immediate attention.
• When one of you is jealous when you give your attention to another person. You see a third party as a threat to your friendship.

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What should you do?

  ·    Admit the truth that the friendship is straining you and it has become a burden.

 ·  Start pulling away from that person and mingle with others.

  ·    Evaluate your friendship, sit and try having a dialogue to see if some situations can change.  

 · Take some time off to yourself and do the self-assessment(evaluation) test on the relationship to see if you can still work it out or if its time to take a walk.

     

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