“Corazon that dream is way too
big for you to achieve! “
“You are too weird and too ugly
to fit in! You just do not qualify “
“Your shape and form look like
one of a lion. You cannot be beautiful in anything you dress in.”
“You deserved the rejection from
that friend! You deserve all that is happening to you and more. That is what
you get for setting your standards too high!”
I have been a victim of such
conversations countless times in the past when I was growing up. They also pop up once in a while in my
adulthood and I feel uncertain about my capabilities.
I am not the
only one in this world. So many people
think negatively about themselves. Many also talk themselves out of
opportunities. We are fast at reprimanding ourselves more than we are at praising
and uplifting ourselves for the things we accomplish in life. We think it is
okay to go through failures and pain. When someone compliments us we don't trust them. We judge ourselves too harshly when bad
things happen or when we mess things. We beat ourselves up, others even call
themselves names like silly, stupid, or ugly.
Truth is No one is perfect.
Perfection is an illusion created sometimes by the people in our lives when we
are young, or put by us in our minds to satisfy a need in us. We want our work
to be perfect. Our children to turn out perfect. Our plans and goals to work
out and go as perfectly planned by us. We are obsessed with perfection leaving
no room for mistakes. This makes us underperform or not even try the amazing
things our brains tell us we can start.
No one is expected to be perfect.
Mistakes and failure are part of the recipe for perfection. God loves us in our
brokenness.
It is time start start
practicing self- compassion rather than compassion.
Compassion is a sympathetic, pity
and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Self-compassion is
defined as extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived
inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. It is you doing your best to
understand, embrace, and accept that the
situation you are in is messed up but it is okay. It is not yet the end for
you.
We are taught to be more caring
about others. Treating others right. Thinking and considering other people’s
feelings more than our own. Protecting and shielding our loved ones from pain
and suffering. This is empathy. The ability to understand and share another
person’s feelings.
What happens to you when you are the one feeling like a
failure, in pain, making mistakes in life?
We are getting it all wrong in
life by focusing and putting much emphasis on empathy rather than
self-compassion. What if we started teaching ourselves and others how to take
extra care of themselves? Yes! Self-compassion is all about deliberate and
intentional self-care. Loving your
failures, imperfections, and not beating you down in times of deep pain.
Leaving your insecurities behind and removing the veil you have on.
We need to be warm and more
understanding of ourselves when we are going through difficult situations. We
are supposed to be kind to ourselves, change our mindset by focusing on us
more, and being human. It is time we:
Practiced more Self Kindness
This is not being selfish or
self-centered. It is not self-pity. It is you forgiving yourself. Showing
yourself love. Find time to appreciate yourself. Start listening to yourself.
Give yourself more encouragement than criticism. Use words of affirmation on
yourself and speak kindly about yourself. “I am worthy, I can do this, I have a
purpose, I am the right person for this position…” stick them on your mirror,
all over your walls, as a screen saver on your phone. They just remind you in
case you forget. Try with all the energy and strength in you to accept, love,
and cherish yourself the way you are. Love the gift that God gave you
unapologetically.
Understood Humanity
We need to understand being human
is a journey full of experiences. All human beings go through joy and pain at
some point. Joy is not the only thing that connects and makes us bond.
Struggles, pain, anxiety, and failures also connect us. We may not be going through
the same loss but we are all struggling with something. We are all fighting
battles within us. Life is not all roses, we have bushes and thorns. Do not
hide your pain. Do not isolate in your suffering. Share it and take it as one
of the many stopovers you will have in your life journey.
Be more Aware of our thoughts
We all need to practice
mindfulness. Most of us think without listening to our thoughts. This means
that we are not able to control the thoughts that crisscross our minds.
Sometimes we are not even aware that our thoughts are dangerous and suicidal.
Mindfulness is defined as the state of being aware of something. It is a mental
state which can be achieved by one acknowledging and accepting the things that
are happening in your life, especially painful or sad moments.
Listening to your thoughts and
feelings.
What emotions are coming out of you?
Try looking at them through gentle nurturing lenses. You focus on the
lessons and what you would do differently. Focusing on the fact that you are
good and you tried did your best. You did something. Mindfulness is about focusing,
appreciating, and dealing with the present. Our days are full of activities and
meetings and to-do lists that the brain does not get time to relax. We play and
re-play scenarios in our beds even when we are supposed to be sleeping. Love
your brain and give it at least 10 minutes to be blank, reboot and refresh.
This is the best season for you to start cultivating this habbits. Stay Safe and Trust that God is working something beautiful in your life.
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I like this topic, great article.
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