Take off the mask. Put your guard down. Enough about hiding your insecurities. Today I want to talk about vulnerability. Yes! Vulnerability.
I have found that many of us look at vulnerability as a weakness and we all dread the thought of being open to people about those things we are not proud of doing or the things we are still doing that we never want people to find out about us.
The type of vulnerability where we are sharing our needs, exposing ourselves, sharing the not enough-ness we sometimes feel, sharing our deepest fears and regrets. This is the case for those who undergo rehabilitation for alcoholism or drug and substance abuse. (Hello I am so and so and I’m an alcoholic.) Saying it out loud!
The kind of vulnerability where we are opening our hearts and exposing the real and sensitive us.
Being open and sensitive to people about who we are has become an act of defiant resistance, and we will go to all strengths, pretend and walk around with smiley faces that show that all is well, and perfect. Because there is a lot at stake when we show how insecure and vulnerable we are. We risk losing it all so we fight with all our strength to be calm and keep faces, yet things are falling apart right within and out of us.
Our personal lives, relationships, families, careers, friendships are things we struggle with and we prefer to shut down, even fall apart than to share it out. The fear of ridicule, people looking at us differently, people knowing that all is not okay with us, someone gossiping about it, just the thought of such things happening to us makes us not authentically be who we are. Just being yourself without fear.
Read :It Is Time We Practised More Self-Compassion than Compassion
What is likely to happen if you expose your vulnerability?
“My boss will think I am inadequate and not fit for the job.”
“I will be fired.”
“This relationship will end. He/She will stop loving me.”
“My children will see me as a weakling”
“My spouse will no longer respect me”
“My friends will say I’m a loser” “I want to fit in this group”
“The meeting will think my idea is stupid. Let me just keep quiet”
“My parents will hate me. If I do not choose the career they want for me. I will stop being their favourite”
These and other scenarios play in our minds and we shudder at the thought of someone knowing we are inadequate in a certain area. When people talk about their weakness in forums, and with people. There are different reactions. Others feel it is good that there is someone who can boldly say “I am struggling in this area or things are not working out in my business.” Others would react like “I don’t think I can ever do what you have done today. People will always see you and remember you as a weak person”
During former U.S President Barack Obama’s tenure as the President, we witnessed him crying while giving a speech on the killings of innocent children at a school. When Americans refer to him as one of the best leaders the country has ever had. That moment is counted as one of what made him a great leader. It is time we started being authentic. We are dealing with an influx of social media where all is perfect and we are all in the land of honey and milk. Do you notice where you may be shut down in your relationships with family or at work? Where those close to you aren’t getting all of you. Perhaps it’s the constant negative chatter in your head telling you that you are failing. Or the timid-ness around your peers that have you not sharing your voice, your brilliance or your life goals.
Understand that vulnerability is not a sin
1. Talk to your spouse about that work thing you never know
2. Take on your healing work. Face the trauma and handle your scandal one day at a time
3. Speak up at the next leaders meeting, or better yet tell your family you were laid off work 2 months ago and you’ve been pretending all along
Remove the mask of “normality” and deal with what is really going on and what you want. Being vulnerable allows us to experience new great avenues of thought. It gives us a moment to reflect about all that we are without feeling frightened, judging ourselves or being angry with some outside factor that provides a scapegoat
This resistance to opening your heart and exposing yourself is costing you. It’s costing you peace. It’s costing you power. My own battle with vulnerability is on-going. At times I don’t even know why I resist it other than many times it is my default survival way of being. But I have realized that when I do open up I feel relieved and my heart is light. A bit more of my authenticity shines through.
With vulnerability, our needs are met and my hearts open. An Anonymous person said…Vulnerability gives way to connection which gives way to power which gives way to abundance.
Authenticity needs to be an ingredient in all our relationships. We need to cultivate that with being vulnerable with ourselves. Our Wellness and Mental stability is connected to how much about us we share with those close to us.
So what are your fears? Do they keep you alive or do they keep you from living?
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