Thursday 16 August 2018

When A Child Is Forced To Become An Adult

Courtesy:Pixabay.com
"You know you are the first born so you must behave very well because your younger siblings are looking up to you and emulating." This statement is true in most African families that the first child. 

Compared to other children, firstborns are raised being taught and shown how to be responsible, respectful and above all caring for others which are very good and vital for all children while growing up.

In one of some of our recent forums it is becoming evident that parents are not perfect and they aren’t doing things right. Yes parenting styles are different yet some parenting ways are very unhealthy which is not good for the general well-being of the society

Most firstborns I have interacted with feel or felt over burdened with too much care-giving work that doesn’t give them a chance to fully develop. They grow up lonely and socially detached from the rest of their peers. Most of them say the pressure is too much and this is one of the causes of stress and depression that we see in young people today. Young people grow up wanting to be perfect and very successful in everything they do. If things don't work out the way they want them then they lose control of their emotions.

First there is the responsibility of being a good role model. As a first born one is expected to be perfect. Get good grades in school, be hardworking at home, and be respectful to the elders at all times. When one messes up even just a little it is not taken lightly by society and I will be judged so harshly simply because you need to be perfect for the responsibilities ahead of you.

I’m left with the responsibility of taking care of my younger siblings. When I say taking care I don’t just mean, cleaning and cooking for them no. If by any chance I’m through with my college or there isn't enough money then as an elder brother or sister It is my duty to ensure that the young siblings get to that level by paying their school fees, clothing them and ensuring that they are comfortable. The latest trend is parents sending their kids on the streets to beg people for money so as to feed the family. A child becoming the bread winner, what a sad scenario.  I’m supposed to be selfless enough to ensure that they have the best life they could ever have and at most times it is at the expense of my own.
 
I’m to blame for any mistake my siblings make, it is my fault that they do not perform well, it is my fault that they are lazy and it is also my fault when they chose to get involved with bad company and mess their life up. Parents out here are becoming or claiming to be busy working to provide for the family and delegating their God given mandate to children who also need guidance as they grow to the next person who is either a teacher, housemaid or the older child. 

Being a first born doesn’t give me the right to become a parent or guardian, or have responsibilities shoved at me of an adult even before I’m one myself I want to be given enough room and space to be a child and in the process become an adult with responsibilities in bits. 

Every child is special and unique in their own way. How our life turns out in future is not determined by what position we are by birth. God is very clear in His Word Jeremiah 1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.

Every child’s development and personalities are different (there are those who mature up faster than others) there is no real determinant as to when responsibilities can be given to a child. Helping out with your siblings or with work in the home is best thing one can do. Siblings develop a close bond, understanding and respect for each other. It brings out a sense of responsibility and maturity but let it not replace parenting.

What was your experience growing up and is it true that we have a society full of young people who are yearning for a space to just be the person be left alone to grow?

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