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| Courtesy:Pixabay.com |
"You know you are the first born so you must
behave very well because your younger siblings are looking up to you and
emulating." This statement is true in most African families that the first
child.
Compared to other children, firstborns are raised being taught and shown
how to be responsible, respectful and above all caring for others which are
very good and vital for all children while growing up.
In one of some of our recent forums it is becoming
evident that parents are not perfect and they aren’t doing things right. Yes
parenting styles are different yet some parenting ways are very unhealthy which
is not good for the general well-being of the society
Most firstborns I have interacted with feel or felt
over burdened with too much care-giving work that doesn’t give them a chance to
fully develop. They grow up lonely and socially detached from the rest of their
peers. Most of them say the pressure is too much and this is one of the causes
of stress and depression that we see in young people today. Young people grow up wanting to be perfect and very successful in everything they do. If things don't work out the way they want them then they lose control of their emotions.
First there is the responsibility of being a
good role model. As a first born one is expected to be perfect. Get good grades
in school, be hardworking at home, and be respectful to the elders at all times.
When one messes up even just a little it is not taken lightly by society and I will
be judged so harshly simply because you need to be perfect for the
responsibilities ahead of you.
I’m left with the responsibility of taking care
of my younger siblings. When I say taking care I don’t just mean, cleaning and cooking for them no. If by any chance I’m through with my college or there isn't enough money then as an elder brother or sister It is my duty to ensure that the young siblings get to that level by paying their school fees, clothing them and ensuring
that they are comfortable. The latest trend is parents sending their kids on
the streets to beg people for money so as to feed the family. A child becoming
the bread winner, what a sad scenario. I’m supposed to be selfless enough to ensure
that they have the best life they could ever have and at most times it is at
the expense of my own.
I’m to blame for any mistake my siblings make,
it is my fault that they do not perform well, it is my fault that they are lazy
and it is also my fault when they chose to get involved with bad company and
mess their life up. Parents out here are becoming or claiming to be busy
working to provide for the family and delegating their God given mandate to
children who also need guidance as they grow to the next person who is either a
teacher, housemaid or the older child.
Being a first born doesn’t give me the right to
become a parent or guardian, or have responsibilities shoved at me of an adult
even before I’m one myself I want to be given enough room and space to be a
child and in the process become an adult with responsibilities in bits.
Every child is special and unique in their own
way. How our life turns out in future is not determined by what position we are
by birth. God is very clear in His Word Jeremiah
1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed
you as my prophet to the nations.
Every child’s development and personalities are
different (there are those who mature up faster than others) there is no real
determinant as to when responsibilities can be given to a child. Helping out
with your siblings or with work in the home is best thing one can do. Siblings
develop a close bond, understanding and respect for each other. It brings out a sense of responsibility and
maturity but let it not replace parenting.
What was your experience growing up and is it true that we have a society full of young people who are yearning for a space to just be the person be left alone to grow?
Read, Share and Write your thoughts on the comments space.
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