April
is sexual assault awareness month and I feel this is the best time for me to
share with the world my experience as a young girl.
I was sexually assaulted by
my teacher when I was 8 years old. I was in P.3 at Kibuli Demonstration School,
Uganda. My abuser’s name was Sheikh Serubogo and he taught I.R.E in lower
primary.
My
teacher took me to his house and as a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse, I
went with him not knowing what would befall me.
When we got there, he took my
clothes off and told me to lie down. He went ahead to lie on top of me and
rubbed his genitals against mine. This incident made me feel so dirty and very
angry at everyone, especially myself. I felt responsible for allowing such a
horrible ordeal to happen to me.
I
went back home as usual and kept all these to myself. I have never told a soul
about what happened to me as a little girl, not even my mother and God knows I
have always told her everything but not this. As an 8-year-old I thought my
mother would be devastated by the incident, so I decided not to tell her to protect her.
God
knows I have struggled with this over the years but especially as a little
girl. I did struggle and it seemed like I was living my worst nightmare! It felt
like I was trapped and dirty as a child. I couldn’t talk about it and it
weighed heavily on me. I kept quiet because I was ashamed and blamed myself. As
time went by, I became angrier and for a long time was violent toward my
sisters.
Whispers were going around in my class and I knew for sure I was not the only
victim of Sheikh Serubogo. He was preying on the little girls and they would share
amongst themselves the horrible ordeal they went through. They talked but I never
managed to say anything. Even if they talked most of them never got to report
the incidents to their parents and we all felt doomed by Sheikh’s presence
in the school. This was not only happening in our stream but in other classes as well.
Over
the years, I questioned myself so much to the point of hating myself and my
body. I kept blaming myself for years and questioned why I let him do this to
me and why I was not strong enough to report him.
I
was not a talkative child and after the assault, I became quieter. I remember teachers
telling my mother that I refuse to raise my hand or participate in class. It is
not that I was dumb, but I just felt like I did not belong. Apart from being
quiet, my anger escalated. My mother would constantly say that I talked rudely
to her and my siblings. She noticed something was different with me, but she
never knew why I had become that way.
The
next term Sheikh Serubogo never showed up to school. Finally, one of the girls reported him to her father who confronted the headteacher resulting in his being fired. My abuser was gone but what he had done wasn’t. His not being
there made things a bit easier because I felt safer. However, there were
triggers everywhere at school and I hated the school to the core. I had some
happy memories in school but that never stopped me from hating it.
I
did my best to cope by trying to be a normal child and be like my friends. It
seemed to work because nobody noticed my frustrations or what I carried inside.
They never knew what ate me away as I was slowly chipping away on the inside.
It was extremely difficult for me, but I managed to go to school every day.
Things
happen for a reason they say but I have been trying to search for a reason this
happened to me for years, but I found none. There is no reason why this
happens. For years I have blamed myself because I felt like I allowed him to
abuse me. I now know that I was a child and had no idea what was going on and
he was responsible for his actions. As I got older, I learned not to hate or
blame myself for what happened. Telling my story is part of taking my power
back!
To
every victim of sexual assault out there, I want you to know that it was not
your fault and I BELIEVE YOU! I hope one day it gets less painful. I hope you
understand that you did nothing wrong. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. There will be better
days ahead. Love and lights! #MeToo #Saam
Do you have a story you would like to share? email thedecentconversations@gmail.com
You can also reach out to us for counseling, coaching, and life skills training services.
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