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When it comes to relationships, you need to be honest with yourself. Everyone is looking for something which forms their expectations. The expectations form the basis of what you hope to get in a relationship or rather the fulfilment you hope to achieve.
When everyone is getting into a relationship, they have a checklist. For others this even this even determines who they date and how they build the relationship.
The problem comes in when you don't communicate your expectations. At times your expectations are clear but at times they are implicit and hidden.What needs to happen when starting a relationship is clearly articulating what you expect so as to set the tone. If you say what you want it helps avoid situation-ships and messy relationships. When you think your partner will automatically know what you want or your expectations then you begin a journey of disappointment.
There
is nothing wrong with expectations how you package and articulate them is what
matters. Ladies expect men to be mind-readers and men are poor at getting hints
unless it is in bold and coloured. It all a matter of managing
expectations.
The
other thing is when you get into a relationship, you expect your partner to be
a Messiah. Apart from expectations and checklist people get into relationships
expecting their partner to be a Messiah. Some think that being in relationships
will change or fix their lives. And they are supposed to know what makes you
happy by osmosis.
How
do you manage expectations?
For
a start don't seek completion or fixing from a relationship.
You
may have a checklist for the kind of person you desire to be with but not
because they are your way out of something.
Then
realize that love is more about giving than receiving. But I don't mean slavery
because this is easily misunderstood. The perfect love is the love of God who
gave His only son which is something very valuable for us to have everlasting
life.
Look
at what are you willing to give first before looking at what you want to
receive. When you identify someone you want to develop a relationship with,
first ask yourself what type of relationship are you looking for or what do you
want to build?
Everyone
is looking for different types of relationships and that's why you need to know
your intentions and expectations. The danger is you start relationships as a
response to your sexual impulses then it becomes a routine and you expect it to
be more than that.
If
you decide to develop a relationship, have time with your spouse and talk of
your expectations but avoid the Messiah mentality.
Everyone
has a love language and I encourage you to share that with your partner. For
some it's gifts, spending time, giving money, sweet talk etc. It's different
from everyone and that's why you need to build on how you communicate with your
partners. Don't expect to be spoiled and your spouse has a different language.
It
not always that your expectations will be met and there are instances when you
might choose to compromise. If you decide to compromise there are chances of
frustration. However, there are levels of compromise that are necessary in
relationships because you can't get everything in life. With time as you build
a relationship people grow and expectations change.
It
is okay to have expectations, communicate with your partner but don't expect
them to take you to paradise. The relationship is about the two of you and you
will build the paradise together. Also remember, relationships are not a one-way
ticket but a high way. Learn to communicate with your spouse be willing to give
and have your intensions clear.
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