Dear daughter

So one day dad sat us down as a family during one of those weekends that we all gather at home to have a feel of a whole family (which is not as often as it was before since my two older siblings started working). 

We were all anticipating to hear what he had to say given that one of my siblings had talked to him about marriage(we had always anticipated to hear dad talk about this topic).

This should be noted before I continue, my dad was not the 'come we reason together' kind of a man. He was usually the 'do something wrong and you'll have it from me' kind of a parent. As the years are moving by, he is turning into this wise guard in our lives and keeps encouraging us to go to him whenever we have an issue.

I must admit that we are still finding it difficult, given that we are used to him as the strict dad, but after this conversation, I am sure some of that fear if not all has faded.

So dad was sitting on his usual seat( For those who have noticed, most African men have a specific seat that they like). He cleared his throat and started, "I am sure all of you are above, 20. Right Vicky? Ama uko kumi na? (or you are in your teens?)" We all laughed. I am already used to be made fan of since I'm the youngest.

The Tali's family

That night dad advised us very well but there was one key thing I wish to share.

I never thought dad, the fact that he is a man would be open enough to tell us this.

"I am sure some of you if not all have already been approached by possible spouses, which is expected at your age but I want you to be careful. Do not rush into marriage. It is not something to joke about especially you Mercy and Vicky(the girls in the house). Men out there are after very many things and the fact that they are in church does not guarantee that their motives are right. Some may just want someone to help them accomplish their dreams. What I mean is that the guy may have had his life achievements and only needs someone to fill his space. Someone to do his chores for him. So when you are thinking marriage, please prioritize well. 

Make sure you are financially stable and able to take care of yourself first before bringing someone else into your life. What are your goals and where so you want to see yourself in a couple of years and how are you planning to get there? Please think well and wisely and prayer is key. Ask where need be and walk with wise people who you know will guide you well."

We'll the conversation continued but that made me think a lot even after dad ended his talk. It is true that there still are people out there who view women as kitchen people and are only looking for a wife so as to make her a maid. I would advice one to think better and seek guidance from men who have made their marriages work and have kept their wives happy. This is for the young men hoping to settle soon. Not all men still have this mentality, I know. I am aware of the once who go out of their way to make a lady feel like a queen. Big ups to those of you out there.

To my fellow sisters and daughters(for those I mentor), the way you present yourself will determine first who you attract and second the kind of man that you will end up with. I am someone who believes all power is in God's hands and also it is in His will for each one of us to end up in happy homes.

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He however has also given us a free will where He says, "in front of you I place life and death," but also advises, "choose life." So be wise dear one. Don't be ignorant and think that marriage is fifty fifty. Of course women can never replace men and men can never replace women, each gender is uniquely special and important. 

However, know your worth in Christ and pray for wisdom to present yourself as a wife and neither a maid nor a dictator. And God will lead you to a husband, not a dictator nor a man-boy. 

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